Random Janeway Insanity
by pingpongpittle
Summary: The title says it all...but some people are too lazy to use their eye muscles to reread the title so to be kind, I'll type the title here: Random Janeway Insanity.
1. Janeway, SpongeBob, and Starbucks

_(**Author's Note:** This is a Star Trek thing and at the time of this writing I haven't been able to watch the show so I'm just writing from what I've heard and making up a bunch of this crap up. Also this has some small things from an inside joke, so if you don't understand some of it, don't feel bad. If you are offended by cursing, please get your ass out of here. I don't need a lecture. =P Here are some notes about the characters:  
  
**Captain Janeway-**A lady who doesn't give a shit who you are, she wants coffee and you better not deny her of it..o.O;;  
**Chrissy-**My friend who inspired me to write such an insane FanFic. Thought I should include her in the story. By the way, she's in with all the inside jokes.  
**I-**That would be me. =P  
**SpongeBob-**He's an annoying bastard whom I can't get enough of destroying. =)  
  
Now, for reading my insane FanFic! )_  
  
It was a beautiful day in space. It was very...black...and filled with shiny stars. It really wasn't any different from all the other days...as all the other days are black. Actually, now that you think about it yesterday that one star exploded creating a black hole and its gravitational force nearly pulled us in the thingy and so space looked a little different, warpy, and all cool looking and so...uh...I'm babbling again. Hehe, do excuse that. MOVING ON...

Chrissy and I were in the Janeway-Obssessed-Ship-Of-Sillyness-That- Has-Posters-And-Pictures-Of-Janeway-Everywhere-Along-With-Janewayites-Ooh!- Don't-Forget-The-Coffee!, (Or the JOSOSTHPAPOJEAWJODFTC for short!) the latest ship of its kind. We were doing our job, assignment, slave work, or whatever you choose to call it. Our duty was a difficult one. It required lots of skills and years of practice. Not anyone could do it you know! It was very frustrating, but yet fun. (We love our job!) And we did our best at it...we worked extra hours and woke up early to do our job, because we love it that much. (And we want to be Devoted Janewayites of the Month!) Our duty was to...it was to.......it was to...to perform the complex, perplexing, and meticulous task of pressing flashing shiny buttons that blink. Yes, you know very well how difficult and important that job is. sigh If only Chrissy and I could do more for the ship...we would be so happy. While performing our task with much difficulty, we were deep in concentration...first I pressed the some buttons about gassing everyone in their sleeping quarters, a button that flushed all the toilets at once, and played with this switch. Surprisingly, everything I switched it a certain direction, all the energy was shut off. I was just about to hit this self destruct button when Janeway's voice over the intercom said, "Excuse my dear obsessed fans, it turns out that something terrible has happened...something absolutely horrific!!! I'm afraid that...that...that...OUR COFFEE SUPPLY IS LOW!!! QUICK! We must veer to the nearest Starbucks and stock up! And I want MOCHA FRAPPACINO! Not that damn cheap Folgers's that come in a stupid can. We DO have advanced coffee preservation methods since I threatened the government to reveal the great technology in which our coffee tastes fresher longer and lasts longer! So we should take advantage of our damn crap! I SHALL REMAIN PISSY UNTIL I GET MY MOCHA FRAPPACINO!!!"

As her followers, we redirected the ship and veered towards Starbucks, everyone was quivering in fear of the queen. Chrissy and I were hugging our Janeway Plushie set...we have every single one, and there are only two of each in the whole time stream! So we had very rare collectables. Although no one believes us because they think we are hallucinating. Well, screw those fuckers. We have them all and they are just jealous bitches. We have the classic Janeway Plushie, Janeway Plushie holding a coffee cup, Janeway Plushie with a compression phaser rifle at hand, and Janeway Plushie holding a bag of Tostitos. So we sat there hugging them all singing softly,  
  
_ Rock a bye Janeway  
The phaser is at arm  
If we piss her off  
She'll do us much harm  
When her patience breaks  
The world is history  
We all go bye-bye  
Except Janeway and coffee_  
  
After 10 LONG seconds, we reached Starbucks. We THOUGHT it was an ordinary 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00 0,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 orders of Mocha Frappacino for Janeway, and 10 for us each. (Ten a day to be more specific.) Any left over from our daily ration is taken up by Captain Janeway and who knows what is done to it. =P Now back to Starbucks. When we arrived there and entered the holy company of coffee, as usual everyone gasped trembled before us for 15 seconds and ran away. (The trembling pleases Janeway, so everyone does it now...it's a tradition I guess.) HOWEVER, a group of people didn't follow the "I fear Janeway so much I'm going to gasp, tremble for 15 seconds, and run away from Janeway" tradition. It turns out that this foolish group was our arch rivals...they are...they are...they ARE: SPONGEBOB AND HIS GANG OF FANS!!! everyone in the universe gasps in horror and there is silence for 10 seconds...not even the crickets are chirping...then returns to their normal life.  
  
Yeah, I know! It's soo terrifying right? I mean, it's SPONGEBOB! The annoying yellow sponge that has a freakishly high pitched voice! Janeway hates them more than having no coffee, being said no to, and called ma'am without coffee all combined! ( This means she REALLY hates them!) She growled at the annoying yellow sponge and said, "So what is a yellow toilet cleaner with holes doing in a holy coffee palace such as Starbucks?"  
  
"Just getting some coffee. You got a problem?"  
  
"I have many problems. Although there is one that can be solved, and I plan for it to be solved as soon as possible."

"And what that might be?"

"Are you seriously that dumb? Oh my..."

"You have a problem with ME Janeway? Is that what you're saying?!"

"Why of course you dumb ass. Who else do you think I was talking about?"

"You will pay for that, men, get out your weapons!" SpongeBob's supporter's takes out their ultimate weapon...it is feared throughout the kids' entertainment industry...the ultimate weapons that they possess are metal spoons!

Janeway chuckles and says, "That's the best you got? That may be the most feared weapon throughout the kids' entertainment industry, but seem to have overlooked "kid" You're in the big leagues now, and spoons are merely utensils to eat Leola Root Soup with. Troops, take out your weapons...and hand me mine. everyone takes out top notch phaser rifles and hands Janeway the JRTNMAWIHYSGB phaser rifle. (The long name is: Janeway's Rifle That Never Misses And When It Hits You Say Good Bye rifle) This rifle is perhaps the most lethal, modern, and scary rifle when Janeway has it in her arms. Now with her favorite weapons she smiles sweetly yet triumphantly and sneers, "Too bad they never delivered your coffee. I guess I'll take it. Thanks for paying."

And that's the end of SpongeBob. So now Janeway totally owns everyone and everything with her glare and she has no rebellions. If she does we don't give a shit about them and just know they are dead within 20 seconds. Soo...it's a happy ending! (By the way, Chrissy and I are her personal assistants. NO WE ARE NOT HALLUCINATING! Don't listen to those other jealous fuckers! DON'T!! YOU HEAR ME?! DON'T!!) The end...of the entire damn world.


	2. The Magical Elixir Part One

_(**Author's Note**: Please take note that I have written this from what I've been able to gather up. I have not seen one ounce of Voyager. Please don't nag about inaccurate information. This story has quite a bit of big words that your brain may not be able to handle. =D So you might want a dictionary handy. If you are currently suffereing from the common disease known as **stupidity**, you might want to watch yourself when reading this Fan Fiction. I couldn't have done ANY of this without the help of my friend Chrissy. So do me a favor and drop by her FanFictions. Her pen name is **FuyuGinga** and her ID is **461612**. Now for some character notes:  
  
She/Her: Her identity is not revealed in this story, but if you watch Star Trek (unlike me), then you should be able to figure it out.  
  
Now for the story! )_  
  
Her eyes lifted a little. She blinked once and opened them a little wider. Then she blinked one more time and she opened them completely. She woke up sleepily and took a look around her room. It looked so strange...she didn't recognize any of it. Then she was confronted with a strange aroma. It smelled sweet, luscious, and it enchanted her. She knew she had smelled this before...it was so familiar, like she knew it forever. She just couldn't put her finger on what it was. It seemed like a dear friend to her. Strangely, had a sudden yearning to find the origination of the enticing smell. So she slowly rose from her bed and was determined to find the source, and thus, our story begins.  
  
After doing her morning things, (ex: brushing teeth, dressing, etc..) She stepped out of her quarters and the sensational odor was even stronger...her ambition to seek the essence grew dramatically. Then she remembered something about the smell. Some of her memories came back to her mind. She remembered that it derived from this magical elixir. This elixir was practically holy, but the name holy water was taken by the bible. (raises fist) Strangely, everything else other than the thought of the elixir was a blur to her...but yet somehow her instincts told her that the elixir was the key to regaining her memories once more. So by her standard, the water was holy because it was the key to the revealing of her memories, and her memories are quite important or else I wouldn't be sitting here typing this out. She was still pretty drowsy so she really wanted to find the elixir fast.  
  
Now fully determined, (Yet sleepy.) she advanced through the hall with a stern look on her face. It's quite difficult to look serious when you're sleepy so she obviously has talent. Now, so wrapped up in trying to remember her memories, it was absolutely urgent that she find this elixir. She didn't even know (or remember) where she was! If that serum got into another person's hands that meant that she would forget her memories forever. So now, it's mandatory that she gets the liquid before anyone else does.  
  
She took a turn and entered in this vast room filled with strange people that looked oddly familiar, but that didn't matter. If she did not know them, then she could not trust them and therefore, they are not quite enemies, just suspicious to her, and so everyone is a suspect and there will absolutely be no exceptions.  
  
While in these thoughts a rather ugly dark skinned man tapped on a little mechanical object on his chest and said, "Chakotay to Captain."  
  
The instant the man said that, the same voice echoed from her chest. She was startled for a bit, but didn't show it. (How freaky would that be? Some voice comes from your chest! Like you have a robotic nipple or something, but anyways, the mechanical object is like a telephone...just better. Now back to the story.) She didn't know why that man called her Captain, but heck, it gave her some authority and she was going to put it to good use. Somehow, instincts kicked in and she tapped on her badge and said, "Captain here, what seems to be the problem?"  
  
"It seems that Neelix is currently suppressing us to masticate and ingurgitate him infamous Leola Root stew!"  
  
She was a little surprised. She didn't know what exactly the problem was...and what the heck was Leola Root stew?! But she had more important matters and didn't really care about their problem. So she put on her professional acting skills in and said, "You will do what Neelix says. That's an order, and please do not complain any further about this or you might face trouble."  
  
The man stood there appalled and she walked away with a grin on her face. After all, she handled that pretty well, but shook her head quickly and remembered her duty. She still needed to find the elixir. So she paced through the hall quickly and kept her smelly sense in check. (Okay, I couldn't resist! Spiderman has spidey sense so I just had to slip smelly sense in!) She couldn't detect the aroma, but she continued anyways. She was bound to find the essence again. After a couple of turns here and there, her smelly senses started tingling..."I'm getting close."  
  
She made one turn to the left and could smell the ethereal scent faintly. She walked forward and slowly the sweet odor started becoming stronger. Soon the smell was so strong she felt she was practically at the source. Before her were two shiny silver metal doors. She said to herself, "It cannot be this easy...there must be some kind of security..." Then she heard footsteps behind her... 


End file.
